Sunday, February 26, 2012

Who We Are And How We Do It: Kid 00

Yesterday afternoon I had the most wonderful time with my oldest Roran.  It was a simple afternoon spent hanging out at Barnes n Noble and doing other various errands.  But somehow the barrier that I imagine is between us seemed to have fallen and I felt really connected to him.  He is a 16 year old boy who naturally turns to his father for most forms of support, so to have a day where he and I could talk about all aspects of his life was a wonderful feeling.
It was ironic that the last post on my blog three years ago was dedicated to all the conflicted feelings I had about having a 13 year old and worrying that I was going to somehow mess him up and he in turn was going to drive me insane. But now I reflect on how our homeschool life changed as well as how he matured into an amazing person.
I truly believe one of the best things I did for my son was letting him go academically. I used to be a fairly eclectic homeschooler, which sometimes I still consider myself to an extent. The one thing I've always done is give each child the best fit for their individual personality, learning style etc. I started letting Roran unschool when he was 13.  Partly because I thought I would be sending him to High School and I wanted him to have a year of freedom before entering.  He even got accepted into a High School where he could focus on film which was his passion at the time.  But then we up and moved him completely across the country the summer before he would begin.  At this point I was still scared about screwing up High School and no longer having the huge amount of homeschooling support I had in CA I panicked and enrolled him in K12.  Obviously this lasted only 2 months.  Roran came to me and said, "Look I can't do this, I don't learn this way, nothing sticks, I need to go back to the way it was, I need to care about what I'm learning."
At this point I unenrolled him, sent all the books back and just let him be.  He was still enrolled in a few classes that interested him and continued to do math.  But at the time I truly thought he spent most of his days playing video games.  At the same time I really delved into learning as much as I could about unschooling.  Once we got around to the beginning of the next summer I once again began to fret about courses, curriculum etc.  even though in the back of my mind I knew it wasn't going to be a good fit.
Then one day my husband asked me if I had any idea what Roran had really been doing all year.  I told him how I just assumed he was wasting away time playing video games and I, of course, couldn't have been more wrong.  My husband proceeded to show me that Roran, on his own had in fact learned how to access the level design software in the video games and was creating his own levels in the games.  My husband then in turn showed the levels to his close friend who is a game developer, who in turn was shocked that a 15 year old had put together what he had.  This bit of letting go has led to amazing self motivation and realization for Roran.
This past year he has been relentlessly teaching himself industry standard software and working with a friend on developing a game from scratch.  This has led to him learning which aspects of development he wants to focus on and choosing to take classes that further his ability as a developer.  For example he takes a World Religion class with other homeschoolers so he can have a better understanding of deities for use in his storytelling, researched many psychological principles in order to understand how various lighting, colors and other things would effect a user in game.  He's also chosen a college to go to where he can study game design.  So he's taking community college classes that he knows will transfer so he can immerse himself in gaming when he transfers.
I could talk for ever about his academic pursuits, but in reality the most impressive thing to me is how he has transformed as a human being.  He is now extremely confident, adventurous, self reliant, kind, funny and thoughtful.  He may not look like what a many homeschoolers we come across (especially around here) look like from an academic stand point, but to me he is highly successful.  He may not be the best writer or be the best in math, but he is following who he is and what he is passionate about.  And for this I couldn't be prouder.  Every human has a different path in life and I am so thrilled that he is not afraid to follow his.
Roran sometimes likes to write a few blog posts about what he is developing here is the link:  http://www.mentalorange.blogspot.com/

2 comments:

  1. Wendy, thanks so much for sharing your son's story. I have an 11 year old son that I am concerned about academically, but he has some of the same interests as your son and I have been considering "letting him go." It helps to hear that it works.

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  2. I'm so glad that it helps! And trust me, I was very afraid to let go. I think to a certain extent I still have fears sometimes, and it just takes some reflection to bring me back around. Trusting your gut can sometimes be the hardest thing to do.

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